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Tetris, drums, and a bag of dog food

We began the day by folding all the towels – then putting them in the back of the carport so that the guy with the truck going to charity could pick them up. No room for towels on the trailer.

Jim moved out his LP records, looked at the trailer space remaining, then put them next to the towels. He did the same with his boxes and boxes of photos that he always said he’d do something with but never did. He then added his boxes of VHS tapes. He let go of his million-year-old film camera (I held in the cheering). He also let go of his father’s manual typewriter, which meant as much to him as that Snuggy meant to me.

It was a live game of Tetris, getting all that on there. Jim probably still hears, “WATCH OUT FOR THE DRUMS” in his nightmares. I had already proven my mad spacial skills to him in packing boxes, now I am the undefeated champ at trailers. Even being mindful of the “heavy stuff towards the front” and extra things that came up at the last minute (our personal files? How did those get left out???) – I am pretty proud of my efforts. Yessir. Mighty proud.

The stuff was all wrangled. What was going, was packed and on the trailer. Basically, all we had left to do was sort the donations from the junk, clean the house, and clear out.

This could take all day.

It’s sad to say so late in the game, but we had, bar none, the world’s sweetest neighbor. This darling woman came over in the wee hours of the drizzly, cold morning to ask if she could help clean – and if we’d like her to make a coffee run. She left her two young sons behind to help us move the rest of the stuff out of the house. She left behind a bucket of cleaning supplies and rubber gloves. This was her favorite part, she told us – she loved to clean, really! She never once offered to help us pack. God bless her beautiful soul.

Meanwhile, when the boys found out that all the stuff in the carport was up for grabs – they started shopping.

We were so embarrassed that we didn’t make it out yesterday that we told no one we hadn’t left yet. No big sendoff or crocodile tears. We just hugged everyone last night as they left one by one into the dark, rainy night and told them we’d call when we got to Vegas. Love ya, bye bye. We were too tired to realize what we had done.

So, when an unexpected friend just showed up out of the blue and offered to help – it was a miracle. Better yet, she wanted to “garage sale” some of the stuff that we were leaving behind. We needed the gas money, so we happily let her and her boys shop as we moved it out. She even talked us into selling her some things that we thought were going to make it on the trailer. Her boys worked pretty hard – carting our things over to their house. She’s a single mom and happily got all the contents of our fridge, too. I guess it all worked out.

Before noon, two more friends showed up – they were smart enough to realize that we’d never make it out alive that last night. They wanted to garage sale, as well, and between them and our neighbor we made enough to fill the tank. No small feat in this economy!

Jim and I danced in each empty room (a moving tradition which warrants another entry some time), and we got down to cleaning. Our neighbor was almost done with the kitchen, everything else I had already done, so all that was left was to vacuum.

Then the vacuum would go to charity. No room on the trailer.

It took a bit of muscle, but we got the trailer door closed. That’s it. It’s all in there. This time I did let out a cheer. Everyone on the block did.

Then I realized that I didn’t get that unopened 50-lb bag of dog food in there. Sigh… I called the animal food bank. No room on the trailer, but a happy pooch somewhere.

The traveling kitty condoLoading the cats into their traveling condo was easier than I though it would be. They took right to it, most likely happy to be close to their “stuff” and their dog. As you can see, they aren’t very upset about the trip (yet). Max is usually pretty happy if he has his pink dragon. Jr. Barnes (the grey one in the back) spent most of the trip on top of the litter box, perched like a lion. Maggie has always been the easiest, and she kept the rest of us calm with her indefatigable purr.

Abby and the cooler got the rest of the back. We bungied the camping gear to the roof, then strapped it down with lots and lots of plastic. It was only drizzling, but we know this state. We were prepared.

Our friends who did some extra shopping needed to get to a cash machine, so they followed us up the street to the nearest one. Two blocks out of the driveway, the Check Engine light came on.

I burst into tears. I may have screamed a little. There might have been some obscenities and maniacal laughing. I can’t say for sure.

Our friend, Paul, ever supportive, told us he knew how to fix it. Just cover it with a strip of electrical tape, he said. Of course, then we’d have to watch for the “Check ‘Check Engine Light’ Light”…

In a melancholy mood, we drove off into the partly cloudy horizon, headed across those vast mountains towards our new home, our destinies.

Engine light be damned. We made it. We’re on the road – and we aren’t stopping until we are out of Washington State!!!!

Friends don’t let friends pack for them | moving faux pas

Here was what we envisioned:

We’d have the whole house packed and ready to go, all fitting within the little square of blue tape on the floor and wall of the back room so that we’d know what would fit in the trailer. Bright and early on Saturday (the 28th), our dear friends would descend upon us with Starbucks and McDonalds in hand to help us load the boxes onto the trailer. The house would only need a quick vacuuming, and then we’d lock her up and leave the key for the landlord. Our friends would wave, tearfully, as we drove off into the horizon.

Here is what went down:

Jim starting packing Saturday morning. OK, he did a bit Friday after work, but quickly lost steam around 9pm, which was only a couple of hours after he got off work. He wasn’t worried, he said, because there wasn’t much to do.

Yeah.

The entire garage was filled with his “miscellaneous” boxes. He still needed to go through those. The rest – other than the kitchen – was packed and ready…by friends.

Now, please note that I have the most amazing friends in the whole, wide world. I really do. Several came and went over the past week, helping us pack and clean and do all those things that are so hard to do when you are alone. Moving to another state is a big, fat, hairy deal. Moving to another state while trying to get rid of nearly everything you own – and I do mean decades of junk – is a rough gig. You have to be very selective and frugal. You must be a master packer who can fit massive amounts of breakables into small, carefully wrapped spaces.  It’s not easy even when you can hire movers. With friends helping, it’s a flat-out nightmare.

Friends should not let friends pack for them.

My dearest friend must have sensed the utter panic in my voice when she called bright and early to say she was running late because she had to pick up the kids. I think it might have been the screeching/gasping sound I made when I repeated, “KIDS???!!!”

She offered to hold back until I called, as it sounded like I needed some more time. She’d leave the kids behind. I told her that would be swell.

I locked Jim in the garage to take care of his stuff. I threatened him with no coffee if I didn’t see results. I think I may have heard him weeping, but at least he was doing it into an open box.

It was drizzling, so we decided to back the trailer into the carport. With the help of several other friends, torches, a GPS, random obscenities, railroad ties, and a mountain goat, we got the thing sort-of jackknifed in there in a way that we could at least open the door.

There will be no more trailer backing in our future, trust me.

Finally, I got to use my mad Tetris skills to start loading our little 5×8 trailer. It was full almost immediately, and we hadn’t even started packing the kitchen. Or Jim’s stuff. We still had to load the drum set and the giant wardrobe box.

5′ x 8′ is really, really small.

So, I did what any (in)sane person would do, I started unpacking so that I could reassess what, exactly, we were taking so that I could hopefully let go of even more. This is when I learned to never allow someone else to pack for you. I will say only this: it was all in boxes. Lots and lots of boxes. All of it.

I took Jim some coffee. He actually did have a tear in his eye as he reached out with his shaking hands. I told him to get the 10 boxes he had packed down to one. The rest would have to go. He sucked down the coffee in one gulp and just stared mutely at me. When he realized I was serious, the tear slid down his cheek and landed in his empty cup. He sighed. I left.

Back to the carport, I took apart box after box and, wielding my tape gun like Thor‘s hammer, proceeded to weed out the junk…

…and I do I mean junk. Our dear friends packed it, no matter what it is. Boy, am I glad I cleaned the cat box good and proper.

Friends came and went throughout the process, but were relegated to fetching boxes and “supervisory” roles as I packed, repacked, and re-re-packed until I got things whittled down as far as I could get them. I think I hurt Jim’s feelings when I enforced a “let me see it first” rule before he was allowed to close a lid. He’d watch in stunned silence as I took 2, 3, sometimes 4 of his boxes and get them down to 1. Then he’d shuffle back to his corner in the garage mumbling to himself.

In the end, Jim and I let go of many memories and truly valuable things. One of our friends runs a homeless shelter, so they got all our warm clothing, socks, bedding – and even the blanket that my (long dead) grandmother crocheted for my (longer dead) baby brother. I had carted that thing around for over 30 years, but had never used it. It went from place to place in a plastic box. It was too precious.

Too precious to use, isn’t that ridiculous? I truly pray that someone who needs it will appreciate its precious warmth this winter and feel my grandmother’s love wrapped around them. I’m very lucky. I don’t need a ‘thing’ to feel that. Both are with me, always.

I also let go of The Snuggy. Mom would have laughed.

(If you have warm things to donate, consider an organizations such as Willow’s Place)

By 2 am, we were alone, tired, and ready to give up. There was still so much to do, and so little room on the trailer! The cats were even more emotionally drained then we were (where was all their STUFF???), and the final piece of furniture – our bed – had already been sold and carried away. We had a dinner of sliced cheese, boiled eggs, and an entire bottle of wine, then laid down on a pile built of an open sleeping bag and random towels and drifted into a fitful slumber. Let the morning’s light wake us. So, we’ll leave a day late…

Tomorrow: will we really make it out of the state of Washington?

 

The Check Engine Light Saga continues

The Honda check engine light

You can probably guess from the title what I’m about to say. As I’m running around trying to get everything disconnected, undone, tore apart, packed, and otherwise ready to go or stay – the stupid little bugger came BACK ON!!

Can I get a collective cheesy Darth Vader NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!?

I called the dealer, got transferred to service, and talked to the manager’s daughter. She said that she’s not sure what more could be going wrong, since they replaced the whole panel, but would be willing to look at it again. She could fit me in next Wednesday. Just short of tears, I reminded her that the whole reason we got the vehicle was to make the trip to Nevada – for which we would be leaving TOMORROW. She said come on down, and they’d fit me in.

She was able to get right to me. She came out to the car and hooked up a diagnostic machine. By then, the little bugger had gone out again. Just like kids and pets, you can never get your car to do what it was doing for you before there is an audience. Of course, the diagnosis was that nothing is wrong. “Make sure the gas cap is on tightly,” she reminded me. Grrr…

Moving is stressful enough without strange lights coming on and off in your car. Stop it!!

Heh…heh…heh… Speaking of stress, we got the trailer tonight. 5×8 is even smaller than it sounds. I don’t think Jim realized just how little we’ll have room for. We debated getting a larger trailer, but then decided we were up for the challenge (and not up for the extra expense – nearly $200). He has a LOT of work to do. All the furniture was mine, and it’s all gone. I’ve sent a bunch of things to the homeless shelter and Deseret Industries, my all-time favorite second-hand store. I’m down to what fits in the tubs we have on hand and the wardrobe box we got at U-haul when we picked up the trailer. Jim has been working until this very point, and still has barely started packing. Oh, yes, we’re leaving tomorrow.

I had several friends in and out all day helping me pack the kitchen and office. We still have the bedroom set because the folks we sold it to are moving the same day – so they’ll be by tomorrow to pick up the whole lot. The rest of the house kind of got packed as we cleared out the furniture. The back room (formerly known as the “Supposed to be Man Cave, but ended up the Sewing Room”) was the first to get cleared, and that is where I had been staging what was to go. I tried to tape off the size of the trailer so that we knew exactly how much room we had left, but things got kind of crazy.

We have a bunch of friends coming over in the morning to help load the trailer. Jim expects to be up all night packing. I’m thinking it might get ugly – there is still SO MUCH to do!! We’re renters, and we want to leave the place in good condition – so we have to leave time for cleaning, too. I’m thinking that my dreams of hitting the road early on Saturday are not so realistic. Oh well, we have until the 30th to clear out. Worst comes to worst, we’ll stay another day. And sleep on the floor.

The modem goes back tomorrow AM, so no updates until we’re on the road.

The Check Engine Light

The Honda check engine light

A few days ago, we purchased a 2001 Honda Passport. It’s in really great conditions and it’s perfect for the trip we are about to make – room for the pets, towing a trailer, and strong air conditioner.

The Honda check engine lightThe only hitch (ha!) was that it didn’t have a tow kit, which we really needed, and the Check Engine light came on during our test drive. We were assured that the light was simply because the gas cap was not put back on tightly enough, and that they would be more than happy to install a tow kit. Swell. I made them put it in writing before we handed over the dough.

Two days later, I picked up our new little SUV all shiny and ready with a brand-spanking new tow kit (yay!) and drove away.

Today, the Check Engine light came back on, and it brought a friend. YIKES!!! It seemed to be going totally bats, between flashing that we were out of gas (when we had just filled the tank), to telling us to check the engine. After re-screwing the gas cap more times than I care to share, I called the dealer. They transferred me to service. The man was very nice and said that they’d be happy to take a look at it (since I got it in writing that they’d fix it before we bought it), bring it on in. When I told him that I was in the process of moving and had a bazillion errands to run, he even offered me a free loaner.

Turns out that they’ll need to keep the car over night. OK, little rental Deawoo, you and I have some business to attend to!

Now, about the Daewoo. I’ve never driven one of these puppies before, and this one has seen a LOT of…love, we’ll call it. She’s not exactly the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen (whoever did the window tinting needs to be flogged with said peeling tint), but she’s ZIPPY! When I picked Jim up from work, I was zinging around the parking lot yelling “zip! zip! zip!” (As Jim works for the Federal Government, this was especially well received by security). They are fun little cars to drive.

I hope Honda car is OK. I’m trying to be very positive and not freak out. Well, not completely. We’ll see.

Culling | Clearing out the clutter | Letting go

The idea of starting over has a certain appeal. Yes, I have a household full of furniture, memories, and – frankly – junk. What do I keep? What is most important to me? What will fit in that tiny trailer? (How good of a packer AM I, anyway?) The culling began a week ago. Everything – and I do mean everything – has been on <Craigslist> with luke-warm success. What’s funny, though, is that most of my furniture has gone to friends. Honestly, the whole selling of furniture has turned into a great humanitarian effort, rather than a money-making endeavor. While I did have a few offers for what I asked, nearly everything has gone for much less to someone with a greater need. Sigh…

The living room went to a young family who needed sturdy, dependable child-proof furniture.

The entertainment center (complete with TV, stereo, VCR, etc…), dishes, silverware, lamps, and assorted cookware went to a pre-med student who, for obvious reasons, had no housewares at all.

The bedroom set went to a friend’s mother who had never had an actual bed. I mean, how do you say no to that?

The dining room got broken up between another college student (chairs) and my friend who needed a place for her microwave (baker’s rack). I’m keeping the table. I don’t know why, I just really like it. It has a drawer.

We’re hoping to get down to clothing, musical instruments, photos and books we can’t let go, toiletries, and some kitchen gadgetry. The rest will either be sold (oh, please!) or donated to charity.

At least, that is the theory. Jim hasn’t even started packing yet, and the garage is full of his “miscellaneous” boxes.

 

Getting the trailer Friday!

Choosing Las Vegas

Yup, we chose to move to Las Vegas. Odd choice, given the economy and other factors, such as the 100+ temps and general debauchery. At least, that is what many of our friends have said. There were many factors behind this decision.

First, I’m sick of freezing. 100+ temps sound absolutely fabulous. We were there last August when I competed in the semi-finals of the World Championship of Public Speaking, and I loved the 107 degrees. Loved it, I say! We also went with my mom the year before she died, and loved every second of the sun, the heat, and the fabulous buffets.

No, that is not enough to choose Vegas from, say, Atlanta or Houston – but there are other factors that are even more important. For instance, what I do and what Jim does. I am a speaker. I do keynotes for conventions. AAAAAAAND….where does virtually every company have a convention at some point? Vegas, baby!! Jim is an actor, and he will be just a hop away from LA – plus there are tons of opportunities here. Both of our dreams are recession-proof.

Sure, we’ll have to get (sigh…grumble…) jobs until our respective careers explode, but we’ll muddle.

McCarran International Airport is one of my favorite airports (so far, I still have a lot to explore!) – and it’s very central. You can get anywhere, fast, from Vegas – and I intend to travel a LOT.

Finally, the economy itself. Sure, it’s pretty depressed right now – but do you know what that means? We can buy twice as much home for half as much money. And, the houses are newer in Vegas. They had a huge boom, so there is lots to choose from. Once we get settled, we’ll be looking to buy.

Now, how do we do this? It’s not like any of us have tons of dough, and it’s really, really expensive to live in Washington – so we usually live (Jim’s) paycheck to paycheck.

Folks, it’s time to purge.

We are selling pretty much everything we own – furniture, jewelry, anything of value. The rest we will donate. We’re taking as little as possible. We reserved an 8×5 trailer – whatever doesn’t fit, doesn’t go. Period. So far, it’s amazing me how much JUNK I have accumulated through the years. I mean, really, I have stuff I’ve lugged around for decades that serves no purpose. It’s time to let go of both my emotional and my physical junk.

Rip it off like a bandage, baby, it’s time to start fresh!

Coming up: The junk we keep

Leaving Home | Goodbye Washington State

Stems encased in iceI have lived my entire life in Washington State, particularly the Kent/Auburn area. The farthest I’ve ever made it is a few miles south to Olympia – but never out of the state. Sure, I’ve traveled a bit, but I always came back home. Washington is an absolute glorious place to live. When the sun comes out, there is no other place as beautiful. When the sun comes out. I’d like to say that the people are marvelous – and they are – but I have learned in my traveling that this is true everywhere I go. Sure, there are different cultures and ways of conducting business, little quirks and odd ways to make them laugh – but people in general are marvelous EVERYWHERE. It could be just me, but I don’t care. I find the  most amazing people wherever I go.

After this winter, which was particularly difficult (5 days with no power or heat in 32 degree weather), we came to the conclusion that it is, indeed, time for a change.

Now I am leaving. I pursue new opportunities, new relationships, and a new climate.

The decision came on the heels of my mother’s death. Suddenly, I realized, I have no one to look after, no one to answer to – except myself. As a child, I took care of her and my siblings. This continued well through adulthood, and is a role I never realized I had taken on until Jim pointed it out to me. I have always been a caretaker, perhaps a bit codependent – which made me ripe for my abusive marriage and other messed up relationships. Now, I am different. Not just because Mom died, but because I was able to see my codependence and determined take-overedness and step away. Yes, that meant watching my mom die – but it also meant admitting that there was nothing I could do to stop it, and being at peace with that. It’s a daily process, but it’s worth it.

Jim and I decided that we’re going to leave on May 28 come Hell or High Water (both of which are possible in this climate). More on where we plan to go, how, and why tomorrow.

Purple Light Nights

Purple Light Nights logoThis year I will be speaking out and singing (!) at the opening ceremonies of the Purple Light Nights in Covington, WA (7:00 pm October 1)

No, there are no strobes or discos and it’s not Christmas – though there is a tree! Purple Light Nights runs from October 1-31 and is all about saving lives through awareness and education about domestic violence. All over the city, purple lights will shine to raise awareness and get the community involved. Many businesses get involved by sponsoring lighted trees and buildings, lighting up the whole community in a safe-feeling, purple glow.

The event was conceived by the Covington Domestic Violence Task Force, King County, WA with the desire to:

  • Remember the victims who lost their lives from domestic violence
  • Support those who survived domestic violence
  • Hope for those still living with abuse

As a survivor of domestic violence, it is my honor to share my strength and hope for those who may need to hear it. I will post my speech here afterwards.

Take action – go to the Purple Light Nights website and see how you may get involved. If your city is not listed, perhaps it’s time you made it so!

Update:

If you’d like to see my speech, it’s now on YouTube.

 

World Championship of Public Speaking – on my way to Vegas!

I am heading to Las Vegas in August to compete in the semifinals of the World Championship of Public Speaking!!! This means that I am one of 80 contestants left of over 30,000 contestants who competed from 123 countries. Huge honor!

The Kent Reporter: Melanie Hope of Kent wins toastmasters speech contest

This is a huge opportunity and I have a lot of hard work to do – but it is also my dream. I’m so excited! I felt my mother there in spirit (especially as I described her obsession with Snuggies and how much I will miss her this Christmas) – I am sure she would be proud of me. Knowing her, she would have found a way to get the Vegas with me (we don’t gamble or drink much, but she still loved that place).

Here is just one link that lists me among the other contestants. These are some pretty heavy hitters.

The Naked Toastmaster

There are 9 semifinals before the “Big Show.” I have set my sights on the big stage and will be getting as much stage time as possible in every local Toastmaster’s club that will have me!

Not the Snuggie!

Ah, Christmas celebrations with the family. We usually have our annual extended family get-together long after Christmas, but the mood is the same. Whoever hosts leaves up all their decorations inside and out. We visit with uncles and cousins we haven’t seen since last year, new babies, great aunts, other twice-removed relatives and lots of food. Our family is not Greek, but we’re loud enough to drown out even the biggest, fattest of their socials. With kids and dogs running amok, we laugh, tell stories, and stuff our faces.

This year my mom hosted. She spent a lot of time decorating, cleaning, and creating a festive mood with many lit candles and fake snow all around.

One of the highlights (besides aunt Shirley’s lemon bars) is our gift exchange. We do it in the ‘dirty Santa’ fashion – also known as ‘Yankee swap’ or sometimes ‘white elephant’ depending on your region. Basically, each person who wants to participate brings a gift worth $20 or so, then we draw numbers to set the picking order. Each person can unwrap a new gift or steal one that has been opened.

Anyone with an office job has done a variation of this sort of gift exchange. Usually they are quite civilized. My family is a bit…shall we say…competitive. Several of us bring gifts with the specific intent to see it fought over and stolen. Nuts, cheeses, and any sort of booze all go over well. The year after grandma died, one of her vases caused a family brawl. This year, the gift of great concern was the Snuggie.

My mom wanted that Snuggie.

Mom hopped up and down when #1 opened the Snuggie. She clutched her number – 3 – and watched with great concern as the next person opened a new gift but made no move for ‘her’ Snuggie. As soon as it was her turn, she popped up and grabbed it. Cousin Sheri, #4, grabbed it back. Disheartened, mom opened a new gift, a collection of soup fixings with giant mugs. “Oh, this is good,” she said with only the slightest hint of disappointment.

Aunt Shirley grabbed the soup. Mom opened a set of DVD’s, which was promptly stolen by #6 – me. Whining ensued, even as she was reassured that I would let her borrow them. She returned to the pile.

My dear, sweet mother excitedly opened her fifth present in a row, a gift bag of imported wine and pistachio nuts. “This is actually better than the Snuggie,” she gushed as she pulled out the tissue paper, and carefully laid said paper on the coffee table…

…where she had placed several lit candles…

Engrossed in the greatness of the gift, she remained oblivious to the rising flames. As mentioned earlier, we are a loud bunch, so this is her excuse for not noticing the yelling as several of us launched towards the plumes.

Cousin Sheri got there first and snatched the paper as the flames lofted it towards the curtains. The only dousing medium we had was coffee and she was honestly thinking of the carpets, so she tried to run to the door to toss it into the rain. The fire consumed the tissue too quickly for her to make it, so she threw it on the floor, grabbed the nearest thing and started beating out the flames – all to the frantic screams of “NOT THE SNUGGIE!!”

Meanwhile, cousin Rebeca poached the wine and nuts.